Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
