I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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