Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
