apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
