you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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