I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
