I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
