You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
