Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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