i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
