What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
