ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't deserve a penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
