Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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