I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I want a musical about memes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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