just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
