I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My balls are so social today.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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