Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
