I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
