peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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