I faked an abortion last night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
