textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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