I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
