I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
