Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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