M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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