today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
