I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
