she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
