I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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