Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
