Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
