Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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