don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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