my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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