he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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