Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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