I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
