There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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