There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
high people should be assigned attendants
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
