STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
