Having a random hookup so left but love u
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
