Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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