do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
