Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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