so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize