Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
