tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
