...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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