i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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