dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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