i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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