Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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