Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
