If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
