i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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