Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
