you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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