i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
