So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
