Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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