My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
