What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
