Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
