Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
