Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
