I hate all girls vehemently.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
