Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
