no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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