Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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