I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
