I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
