new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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